


It's Complicated

by peachysvn



Category: 2jae - Fandom, CHOIYOUNGJAE - Fandom, GOT7, IMJAEBUM - Fandom, Markjin - Fandom, Youngjae - Fandom, jaebum - Fandom
Genre: GOT7 - Freeform, JB - Freeform, Jackson - Freeform, Jinyoung, M/M, Mark - Freeform, Youngjae - Freeform, Yugyeom - Freeform, bambam - Freeform, parkjinyoung
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-22
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-07-15 13:47:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16064387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachysvn/pseuds/peachysvn
Summary: Friendship turns to love, what a cliche. but, it is still so complicatedKnowing how madly in love Youngjae is with his bestfriend, he tried to overshadow his own feelings. Let's enjoy the journey of little sunshine, Choi Youngjae on tricks to not seems so obviously all the time.





	1. Chapter 1

You don’t always get to decide what you want, what you like, what you need, or even – what you are. Yes, what you ARE.  
I found out about it when I was 13. That was THE time. Didn’t think it through at first but now, two years later, the fifteen years old me for sure knows that I, Choi Youngjae is indeed falling in love with my best friend, Im Jaebum.  
There are six bestfriends in total. We practically grew up together in a decent neighborhood. Our houses were pretty much close to each other except for mine and Mark. Me and Mark lives 5 minutes away from the other five. But we were pretty close. There is this park that connect two neighborhoods – that’s how all seven of us met.  
We have Mark. The oldest. He is 17, senior year is coming at him but he couldn’t care less. He is THE quiet ones in the pack. Beside from us, he doesn’t really that many friends beside his friends in L.A. yes, he is Americans. He is also the one who always gets the spotlight with his beautiful, handsome face. Every girl wants to be with him but we all know he have a secret boner for Jinyoung  
Who is Jinyoung you asked? That’s the geek in the group. He is always seen with either a book or, a damn book. No one ever saw him with no book on his hand. He is 16 by the way and yes, in love head over heels with Mark. They got together last year as Jinyoung reached 15. Mark said that he is waiting for Jinyoung to grow up a little bit so that they could feel comfortable with each other and here we are. But, only I know their little dirty secret. They were very cautious about it. I know because, well I am also gay and I took the opportunity to actually tell them, about Jaebum.  
Jaebum is a very – this is what Jinyoung said – a very straightforward guy with nothing that come out of his mouth, he will regret. He is also openly hates skinships; both between men and women. He just hates them generally. Except for cats though, he doesn’t mind cats – what a cat lady. But we all know he is very nice. Just, hates people slapping their body onto him – that’s what Jinyoung said. To me, he is wonderful. Everything from top to bottom, he is so perfect. After Mark, he was popular for his cold and chic behavior and that, what makes me interested at him. He always there for me; despite being that ‘tsundere’.  
Once, I got a fight with Mark in the park for not listening carefully to him. I didn’t even pay attention towards Mark at that time, I think my mind were roaming around. He was asking me if I took his book but since I was at a state where I was pretty unconscious; I reply with a simple ‘no’. He almost punched me in the face but Jaebeom was there to stop him.  
“Why did you raised your hands on Youngjae?” Jaebeom scoffed.  
“He wasn’t listening to me and answering with such light hearted?” Mark said with his fingers keep on pointing at me.

I still remember that day, up until now, 5 years later. That’s where I first had my eyes on Jaebeom. I didn’t ask for it. I never knew myself until 3 years later.  
“Hyung!” I startled. I look behind my shoulder and saw Yugyeom, our youngest with of course his bestfriend, second youngest.  
“What class do you have today?” Yugyeom asked with his arms wrapped around my shoulder.  
“probably Biology” I answered. He immediately chuckles. I looked at him, puzzled. “why are you laughing?”  
“what do you mean ‘probably’?” he asked. I honestly don’t get the joke but I chuckles along  
“what is it?”  
“nah- it sounded like you really don’t know your schedule.” He said as we walk through the aisle.  
“oh you mean the word ‘probably’?”  
“yeah”  
“you went to school not knowing your schedule?” Bambam interrupted.  
I chuckles, thinking what should I answer them. Looking at them laughing at my clumsiness seems adorable.  
“well, I ‘yolo-ing’” I answered and they just laugh them out.  
Yugyeom and Bambam practically were born the same day. That’s why they are bestfriend and when we met, they were together too. Almost cannot be separate. 

“hey”  
Yugyeom stopped and turned around. The man approached us and give Yugyeom and fist bummed. Bambam then followed.  
“why, aren’t you guys early today?” he asked, smirking.  
“it’s 7.40 a.m how are we early?” Bambam scoffed.  
“yeah that’s early for both of you” he nudged both of their head.  
“Youngjae?”

I startled. My body legit jumped because I was shocked. “y-yes” I answered.  
“woah you don’t have to be startled like that. You seem tense” Jaebeom touches my back and honestly I got the chills.  
“anything that Mark do?” he continues with such worrying eyes of his.  
“no- no of course not. It’s been a while since we have our fight so, everything is good.” I smiled to ensure him that we are better than ever.  
“you’ve been concern with Mark-hyung for a while now huh” Bambam said, smirking.  
“nah, after he broke the air conditioner – my dad’s car – and throw hands on Youngjae, I just had this older brother sense to protect him” I brighten. My eyes were so wide. I wasn’t shock, I was amazed. But, ‘older brother’. Did, did I just got brotherzone? “Plus, I was the only child. If I had to pick between you guys to be my little brother, obviously it’s going to be Youngjae” shit – double blow. I get it Jaebeom I get it, I’m just a little brother to you.

But, you meant the world to me.

“I, I gotta go. My classmates were waiting for me” I said, in a rushed. Well, I don’t have classmates that will wait for me but, for now I just need to go. I bowed to Jaebeom and ruffles the maknae’s hair and walk my way out of that ‘bro-zone’ 

Never thought hearing someone said you feels like a little brother could be this hurtful. Was I too quiet about it? Was he never realizing how I get so red whenever he is around me. Didn’t he see how stuttering I am whenever I talk to him? Is he really that blind to see? Was I not being obvious enough? Do I need to like kiss him or something? This ain’t ‘The Kissing Booth’ for fuck sake.


	2. Two

Well, my day went pretty normal. I, was the anonymous in the group since I don’t like to get too open with people. Plus, I have no charm or whatsoever. Pretty plain for a group that always gets the attention every single day. If you are wandering, who gets the most attention in our group, it is Jackson.  
Jackson Wang.  
The school heartthrob as what those novels like to label them. He was so perfect in so many level. He is handsome. Too handsome to be exact. He is a sportsman. Whenever he goes out to play at the field – no matter what sports – he will excel in it every single time and there will be a lot of girls circling him 24/7. Academics? Lets not even go there. He is always first in the entire school. Always, and number two? Try take a guess? Jinyoung. Number three you asked? Im Jaebeom. These childhood friends of mine is beyond perfect that’s why I look like a potato in the middle. Mark, Yugyeom and Bambam were not that much good in grades but they have their personality people look forward to.  
“Youngjae!”  
Woah speak of the devil. It’s Jackson. I turned around giving him the brightest smile. He smiled back at me and slowly walk towards me. I was looking at him the whole time so I wasn’t aware that he suddenly kissed my cheeks in front of the whole school.  
“you look so bright today always!” Jackson brighten.   
“I told you to not kiss me anymore! Im 15!” I wiped off his kiss residue off my cheeks. He’s been kissing me since the first day we met and at first I never aware of it but as time goes by I learn that men kissing will only make people uncomfortable but this bitch never really care. Ever.  
“aww why so grumpy? It’s a sign that I love you”  
“but not here in front of EVERYONE”  
Jackson chuckles and ruffles my hair, also fixing it a bit. “this boring hairstyle of yours need to go”  
“I’m fine with them. Stop telling me to get an undercut” I pushed Jackson’s hand away and he just chuckles. I probably looks cute in his eyes.  
“you always look cute in my eyes”  
Welp, told yah.  
“let’s go home?” he asked and I nodded.   
…  
“so, Jaebeom asked us to go the café we usually go” Jackson said.  
I was on my phone so I wasn’t aware of the question so I asked again. He then repeats the question. I lower down my phone and looked at him.  
“I don’t want to go” I rolled my eyes.  
“why?”   
“just because”  
“just because of what?”  
“just because”  
Jackson sighed. “you are impossible” Jackson then looked in front and suddenly waved his hand.  
“Mark! Jinyoung!” he called. I shoot up my head and look at both of them. I brighten up because that’s my gay baes.   
“hey, sseunie. Youngjae.” Jinyoung waved. I waved back. Jackson looked at me confused. “why were you suddenly so bubbly? You were so cold towards me just now”  
“I - I wasn’t.”  
“yes, you are!”   
“what are you guys blabbering about?” Mark asked.   
“he was all grumpy before both of you came here”  
“wow, our sunshine being grumpy?” Jinyoung nudged. I wasn’t being grumpy – maybe a little bit part of mine is – but wasn’t intentionally. I just don’t wanna go to the damn café. That’s all. But, I am going to sound like a dik if I didn’t go just because I was hurt by what Jaebeom said not knowing my feelings towards him, ya know?  
“so, Youngjae do you wanna come?” Jinyoung asked. I can read his eyes. Yes, come to THE café. He was looking at me asking for approval. I can already read his mind.  
‘let’s just go, huh?’  
‘no.’  
‘why?’  
‘I’m scared’  
‘why? Jaebeom?’  
‘duh’  
‘why? He does know your feelings’  
‘that’s… that’s why’

Jinyoung let a big sigh. “so, where do you wanna hang out then?” he asked, crossing his hands while looking at me with his judgy eyes.   
“home.”   
“I guess?”


	3. Chapter 3

I slammed my body on my bed, sinking myself on top of my queen bed. I stared at the fan for a few minutes, sighing. What am I even doing? To Jaebeom or even to myself? Why do I have to suffer myself? Didn't know being gay would hurt this much. I think about all of our memories together, the – before I know I was gay – memories. Playing together at the park, riding bicycles, talk. 

It's been a while since we last talked. After I realized my feelings towards him, I stop approaching him. Mark told me to not distance myself but I can't help blushing whenever he gets close to me. I can't stop smiling seeing his little eyes brighten whenever we talk about music and cats; his two favourite things. I can't help myself dreaming about being inside his big broad shoulder, embracing me. Those were the reason, I distance myself. Because I don't want to burden him. Let's just keep this problem to myself. 

Blinking a few times before I decided that I need to go for a walk. Probably take Coco out with me.

***

I went downstairs and go towards the kitchen. My mom was there. 

"hey." She called out for me as I make my way to the fridge. I opened the door and took out a carton of milk and finally, I answered her back. "hey mom."

"how's school?" she asked. 

"great? I wasn't bullied today" I said as I took a glass and poured the milk in. I took a sip afterwards.

"umm, so I am going to go take Coco for a walk – "

"she already gone for a walk. Your sis did it already."

"al-right. I'm taking myself for a walk then" I smiled and kissed my mum on her cheeks and make my way out.

The weather was so nice. Its 5 in the evening so I'm glad there is no rain and what not. I put on my sandals and took a deep breath. I need this air. This calming, clear air. I walked around the neighbourhood, looking at everything. The trees, those dogs, this house, everything. Everything was so calming, I had nothing in my mind. It was the best feelings. No Jaebeom, no classmates...

No GOT7.

Just me.

Sometimes, I need a time for myself. Clearing my mind, giving myself some space. I practically abandoned myself for these past few years and being able to went through this problem now, it felt amazing. 

I stopped walking when I realized I'm at the park. The park where it is 10 minutes away from my house. I've been walking for this long already? I look around and yes, so many kids. I chuckle. How clumsy am I to actually walked here with realizing it? Gosh, Choi Youngjae.

I decided to visit the park, been a while since I last come here. I took a seat at the bench where I always sit. I looked around, there is nothing much. Just some kids playing at the slides, some kids fight for some toys, parents chit-chatting, Jaebeom.

JAEBEOM? 

SHIT WHAT THE HELL? There he is. Aren't he supposed to be at the café? Why is he there on top of his bike, looking for someone? Does he have a girlfriend? Is he waiting for her?

Oh god. Our eye met!

He then smiled. Why? He grabbed his helmet and walked his way towards me. Why? What is happening don't tell me Mark spilled the bean and he is here to kill me?

"hey." He said. I can't even look at him, my hands trembles. Why is he here anyway? Its 30 minutes away from his house.

"figure you'll be here" he said. "is this seat taken?" he asked. I shook my head. He chuckles and took the seat next to me. "so, why aren't you at the café?"

What am I supposed to answer? I can't go because I got brozoned by you? I took a glanced at him and he wasn't even looking at me. He was looking at the park, scanning through everything. What can I answer him?

"mom needs help with some stuff" I lied. I had to. It is bizarre enough that he is here. 

"right." He answered short. He sounds disappointed though. "you okay though?" he asked. "I don't know what I did wrong but, it feels like you ignor-"

"no" no. Im Jaebeom what are you saying? No. I didn't mean to make you feel that way. This isn't what I want you to feel. I want you to feel comfortable with me. "I wasn't ignoring you." Why is he saying it like that? Like I was the one who are wrong. I know I am but, why is he blaming himself? "what makes you think that?"

"I can tell. Plus, you are doing it now"

What? What does that means? I am ignoring him now? But I'm talking to him though?

"you didn't even look at me"

I shoot my head up and looked at him. My eyes trembles as I saw him so close to me. I took a step back and cover my face. I know I was blushing. I know my face already gone so red by the sight of his face near mine. "I am looking at you, now" I try to calm myself down and try to cooperate with this situation. This hardly happening situation. 

"you seem different."

"why?"

"nah – probably my imagination" he said, with a lower voice. "you, seem distance."

"from what?"

"from me." I know he is glancing at me, staring me down like I did the worst sins ever in my life. Gosh, this is giving me anxiety attack. I swear to god if I can pee myself here, I will. What can I answer him? What? I have nothing across my mind, nothing! I kept on fidgeting, obviously I am ignoring him just to keep my stupid feeling to myself. I don't want to get him involve.

"Youngjae?"

"I didn't mean to put you in this sort of situation" I blurted out. Fuck.

"what situation?"

"I'm gay" 

STOP. CHOI YOUNGJAE STOP 

"Woah. For real?" he asked. He was looking at me so worriedly as if being gay is wrong. Why is he such homophobic?

"so, you ignoring me because you are gay?" he asked, staring at me. "so – you have feelings for – "

"– Mark"

"What?" WHAT????

Jinyoung is going to kill me. For sure. I can already see the sight of my grave. I can see it. Oh my god I wasn't going for this kind of lie. I have no one names in my head because nobody knows except Mark and Jinyoung. Should I keep going?

"I'm in love with Mark. That's why I don't wanna come to the café. I wasn't ignoring just you, I ignored everyone knowing my feelings towards Mark." That is one heck of a lie. I had to. Shit, Jinyoung I am so sorry.

Jaebeom remain silent for a while now. "were you disgusted? Knowing your bestfriend is gay?"

"not really" he answered. He took a deep breath before giggling. "I thought you hated me"

I love you. I love you so much you can't describe it, Im Jaebeom. I love you so much I can't put you through this. I can't do this to you. I love you so much I lie to protect you. 

"Of course not. Never"

"glad to know. So, what's your ride though?"

"well, I walk here"

"what? How? It's like 10 minutes away." He chuckles. "plus, you hate walking this far"

"it just happened" I laugh it off.

"were you on your earphones while walking?" he took a guess and bullseyes. He just knows me so well... this hurts.

"let's just go. I'll take you home"


	4. Chapter 4

“You did WHAT?”  
Mark’s screamed filled in the house. I asked Jaebeom to dropped me by Mark’s house and he even asked what I wanna do. Mark unfortunately out with Jinyoung so he told me to wait in his room so now, I have to deal with Jinyoung too. They did come home together and I,.. well I tell them what happened and here we are now, a face palm – ing Jinyoung with a very much shocked, Mark.  
“I was out of stuff to think!”  
“god, you screwed up” Jinyoung sighed. “like big time”  
“I know you don’t really need to shove that fact up my ass” I threw my body on top of Mark’s bed and just want to cry it out.  
“what’s your storyline?” Mark asked out of the blue after a long pause. I shoot my head up and look at him.  
“what do you mean?” I asked. I could literally hear Jinyoung sighing next to me as if he knew Mark kind of have something in his mind.  
“yeah, what is your storyline? You came to my house to confess? Then I said yes and we become a couple? Or do you want me to reject you and you go tell Jaebeom everything and he probably try to comfort you? You pick”  
“what was the outcome of the first one?” I asked, kind off curious.  
“what the fuck, do you want to do this?” Jinyoung opposed.   
“yeah, kinda like that Netflix movie, To All the Boys I Loved Before where they did some fake dating or some shit”  
“yeah and the fake relationship end up together, you are fake dating my boyfriend!” Jinyoung roared. Alright he is pissed. Maybe we shouldn’t do this and just shut up.  
“get this, I just want to see how Jaebeom will react to this. This seems fun” Mark chuckles. “we can get something from this”  
“what do you mean?”  
“you are so innocent do you know that, Youngjae?” Jinyoung asked. He then stands up and cross his arms together. “Mark wanted to do this fake relationship thingy to see whether Jaebeom will react to this. See if he is agreeing to this or he will oppose. He may be into you too. Who knows”  
“that’s impossible”  
“nothing is impossible. Was he the one who can’t catch things up or is it just you who can’t see the bigger picture?”  
“wait. There is no way in hell he will be interested in me” I pause. Will he? Will he magically be interested in me? “plus, he is homopho-”  
“no. no he is not. I was born with him. And I know he is not homophobic. He never was. He was just untouchable. And hate people touching him. He is a little bit on the complicated side.”  
“but, he still not gay”  
“he never had a girlfriend too.” Mark added.  
“you guys are making me more confused.”  
“so, are you in or out?” Mark asked. Wiggling his eyebrows on me. “plus, you already put me in your little drama here.”  
“that was not on purpose”  
“So, are you in?” Jinyoung asked. Why is he seems excited about it? I stared at the both of us looking like they got the best plan ever. How is this plans works by the way? I will be dating Mark? Or I just like date Mark in front of Jaebeom? How about all the skinships? Are we really doing this?

“I guess?” I answered. 

 

The next morning, I went to school with Mark. We met the rest of the team to tell them about ‘Us’. This is going too quick it felt weird honestly. Never have I ever wanted to use Mark like this, and our story actually make sense, at least to me. I met Mark first, so it is kind off logic that I would felt in love with him. As both of us walk into the school compound, we could see Jinyoung by the main door, with his white school uniform, tucked in with folded sleeves, looking dashing, probably waiting for us – for Mark. He took a glance and smiled. As we get closer, he sighed.   
“can’t believe this was your idea Mark” he crossed his arms as he walk with us. “have you text the others?”  
“I did.” I showed my phone to him as an evidence.   
“I hope Jackson doesn’t get too excited.” Jinyoung said and simultaneously sighed.   
“hearing his name, this is already a bad idea” I said, brushing my hair. I already felt the burden to this. This is already so bad plus, Mark was the one who came up with this idea – I don’t know why he did though – so unexpected of him.  
Arriving at the canteen, everything seems normal. We scanned around and immediately spotted Jackson, Bambam and Yugyeom. No sign of Jaebeom.  
“Jaebeom is at the toilet. He will be here any minute” Jackson said as we walk towards them. Well, that’s great. We kinda need him in this though. He is the bait.  
“whats so urgent though?” Yugyeom asked and he unpack his little sandwich. “calling us so early in the morning too” he continued as he takes his first bite.  
“well, we need Jaebeom to be here” Mark said and coincidently, he appears.  
“what did I missed?” he said as he took his seat next to me, coincidently. “hey” he said to me. I ‘hey’ him back. 

“so, since everyone is already here, I am going to just lay it out. Flat” I scanned around and their eyes just glows. Probably thinking I have something important to announce. Well, here goes nothing.  
“I’m gay.”  
“WHAT?”  
“WHEN?”  
“HUH?”  
These are the reaction I received from Jackson, Bambam and Yugyeom. Jaebeom already knew since I told him last night, Mark and Jinyoung basically my gay buds. So, here we are left with three very confuse human being.   
“that’s not it.” Mark interrupted. “I’m dating Youngjae now”  
“WHAT?” Jaebeom exclaimed. All six of us was so shock at his reaction. It was very much unexpected. “You confessed?” he asked calmly.  
I was too shock with his reaction; words were not coming out of my mouth so I just nods. “why?” Jinyong asked.  
“you knew?” Yugyeom asked pointing his fingers to me then to Mark, then to me again. “about this?”  
“yea, well, we talk just last night. I – I didn’t know you are gay too, Mark” he is glaring. Why is he glaring at Mark? I don’t consider that eye as glaring, he seems to just very sharply look at Mark.  
“I always been, Jaebeom. Well, bisexual maybe” Mark answered. “auch!” he suddenly screamed. It was not a lough scream, just a light squeak because apparently Jinyoung kicked his knee for saying he is bisexual when he already heads over heels in love with Jinyoung.  
Suddenly, the sound of a person dragging a chair were heard, Jaebeom suddenly gets up, took his bag and left. We were left in awed at his action, I especially. He seems, ma-  
“jealous.” Jinyoung said, cutting my thoughts.   
“yeah. Obvious” Yugyeom scoffed.  
“wait. Yugyeom, you think he is jealous too?” I said, turning my full body towards him.  
“hyung, we are not dumb. Maybe just me because I guess these two still didn’t understand whats happening”  
“we really don’t” Jackson and Bambam said in unison.  
“plus, there is no way Mark and you were a thing. We all know he fucking love Jinyoung” Yugyeom pointed his little finger towards the two of them making Mark, who was at that time sipping his water ended up spurting it all over the place. Jinyoung were also genuinely shocked.  
“you guys can’t keep secrets with me” Yugyeom laughed. “I knew everything”  
“WHAT? So, Jinyoung and Mark a couple now?” Jackson exclaimed, slamming the table.  
“Shut up Jackson!” Jinyoung grabbed Jackson’s collar and dragged him down. “you cant fucking keep a secret that’s why we didn’t tell you. Especially you and Bambam.”  
“so, we were the only one who didn’t know about this?” Bambam said after a few moments of silent.  
“actually only Youngjae knows. But apparently Yugyeom here is a fucking genius, he figures that part out and Jaebeom were too blind to realize.”

“why did he left?” I asked in the middle of their conversation. I was stunned, couldn’t move an inch.   
“he, he is complicated, Youngjae. Too complicated” Mark sighed.   
“is this a good idea though?” Jackson asked. “he already hates you, Mark.”  
“yeah, because of the whole me trying to punch Youngjae, huh?”  
“he still mad at that?” I asked. “that happened like at least 10 years ago.”   
He does indeed still feels awkward whenever Mark is around, even when I told him I’m ‘in love’ with Mark, he does seem uncomfortable. But, why though? Why would he still have grudge when I already over them. Over the fight.   
“he was always so overprotective of you. Always” Mark said. “not saying he have a feeling for you, but to be very honest, and I don’t want to disappoint you or anything but he did see you as a little brother.” Jinyoung was being honest here. What he said is so true. I can’t do this. I really can’t.  
“maybe we should st-”  
“No.”  
“we should not” Jinyoung said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I copied the wrong one for chapter four HOW STUPID HAHAHAHHA


	5. Chapter 5

That weekend was intense. Jaebeom barely show up in our group chat, he hasn’t even read them. We also barely see him in school and somehow he doesn’t sit with us during lunch. The other boys keep on telling me that he is being jealous but, honestly I didn’t buy it. There is no way the Im Jaebeom will even be slight jealous with Mark. No way in hell.   
On Sunday, I went to Yugyeom’s house to play games. All five was there except for one, Jaebeom. I look around and yes, he is not there nor in the toilet or the kitchen. He just wasn’t present.   
“what’s the point of looking around, Youngjae? He is not here.” Jinyoung scoffed. I sighed. I took a spot next to Bambam, on the sofa. I look over at Jinyoung and he is giving me the ‘annoyed’ face. “if he wants to act like this, then just walk away, Youngjae.” He said and turn around to focus on his game. I push my head back hitting the sofa’s backrest and cover my face with a pillow. I felt a hand on my thigh trying to comfort me, probably Bambam’s. I suddenly regret this. This little plan. Maybe it’s better if we just ignore each other from the start and not Im Jaebeom ignoring all six of us. I just make everything worse to us.  
“Youngjae” Jackson called out.   
“yes” I answered with a pillow still on top of my face slightly covering my mouth.  
“do you want to play?” he asked. I could felt the controller on top of my thigh. “quick. The game starts in like 10 seconds”  
I push away the pillow and took a glance on the screen. Its 8 seconds now. Without hesitation, I grab the controller and sit up straight. I bend down a little bit as I rest my elbow on my knee. I look at Jackson, then to Yugyeom who is next to him, then to Mark and finally to Jinyoung. Bambam was on his phone. “who am I up against?” I asked. By the 5 seconds, Mark raised his controller and smirk.   
3,  
2,  
1…  
Game start. 

***  
We all can now guess, after 3 rounds of Overwatch, Mark won all three rounds. He was smirking proudly at the corner of the sofa looking at us like we are some kind of loser; honestly we do, who can ever beat him in games anyway. Jaebeom can.  
“why Jaebeom can’t come?” I asked, making everyone goes silent. Bambam looked away, so does Yugyeom. Jackson give off a very pissed vibe. Mark were just fidgeting with the controller on his hand and Jinyoung? He looks utterly pissed.  
“don’t tell me I didn’t try, I fucking did” Jinyoung put down his controller and wrapped his hands around his knees. He was on the floor the whole time while Mark, Jackson and me was on the sofa. “he ignored my calls, ignored my text. I even went to his house and his dad told me he’s not home; which was a lie. It’s been weeks and if that doesn’t tell me that he is jealous, I don’t know what is” Jinyoung looked at me. Concerned. “what have we done?”  
“I. what have I done” I corrected him. It is 100% on me. If I don’t have this stupid crush on him, this will never ever happen.   
“don’t blame yourself. It is not your fault.” Jackson put his arms around me and give me a soft rub on my shoulder.   
“its my fault.” Mark blurted out. “maybe we should’ve tell the truth.” All six of us sighed in unison.  
“wanna Netflix? Atleast” Bambam suggest and all of us nodded our heads. He grabbed the remote control and click ‘NETFLIX’. A lot of movies appears on the suggestions but, we decided to watch Orange Is the New Black. It was a funny TV show about life in prison plus their dark humors were pretty dark and suits us all.   
20 minutes in the show, suddenly my phone rings. A message appears.

'Meet me outside. I know you are at Jinyoung’s'

I jolted and sit up straight making Jackson who was next to me jolted forward as well.  
“what?” he asked. Before I could answer, another text comes in.

'Don’t tell them. I wanna talk to you alone. I’m outside.'

Oh my god, its Jaebeom. He is outside? Like outside outside? I scanned around, apparently everyone was focusing on the movie so I excused myself to the bathroom and I walk out of the main door slowly.   
I closed the door behind me and scanned around the yard. I saw him. There he is with his bike, facing away from the house. There he is with his leather jacket on his broad shoulder, his skinny jeans; ripped skinny jeans and his perfect wavy hair, waiting for me. I was nervous and my heart were beating so fast. What’s the reason for him to even want to talk to me? I was standing facing my back on the main door when he finally turns his back around and look at me. he smiles. I walk down the small stairs and walk towards him. I stopped when I feel like it’s a perfect distance between me and him. He smirks and look at me.  
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.” He starts. I nodded not understand what is it that he needs to think about. “why Mark.”  
“what?” I said, trying to understand him. “what do you mean, why Mark?”  
“I’m asking you, why Mark. There is like billion other guys, why Mark?” he asked, more assure than before.  
“why are you asking as if Mark is a bad man?” I slightly raised my voice. “what grudge do you have against him?”  
“I’m trying to protect you here” he said.   
“what do you mean, you are trying to protect me?” I hissed. “Mark is a great guy!”  
“He is a player!” he raised his voice, almost yelling at me. “I know what a player do”  
“yeah, like you, huh. Jaebeom?” I said, crossing my arms. Why is he saying all this stuff? Him and Mark have been friends since they were little, then why is he this hateful towards Mark. I’m so pissed on behalf of Mark as his friends. As if he got little to no trust towards Mark. Why is he being this selfish? I never knew the one I love could be this arrogant.  
“I’m trying to protect you.” He exclaimed and I immediately shout back. “From what?!” he looked taken back. Maybe he wasn’t expecting me to be rude towards him, cuz I never was. “from what, exactly” I asked, calmly.  
“I’m trying to be your big brother here.”  
“Then stop! I don’t need you to be my big brother!” wait. What are you saying, Youngjae? “all you could think of is your stupid role as my big brother when I don’t really need you to be one! Plus, Big brother? Really? Is that what you look at me? your little brother who you can control? You being the only child doesn’t give you the right to make me your little brother” I pushed his chest, pretty hard. I swear to god, tears started to fall off my eyes.  
“Youngjae..” I realized that I was crying. I quickly wiped my tears and turned around. I stormed into the house and slammed the door behind me making all five others turned their head around to look at the main door; at me. I slide down the door and started to sobs really hard. All five of them quickly surround me and I just grab whoever closed to me and hugged him. It was Jinyoung. I was crying so hard, my eyes were puffy, my nose were runny and I’m drooling everywhere. Everyone were asking whats wrong with me and I couldn’t even open my mouth.   
My mouth were open just for me to cry.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit late on publishing since i am too busy with classes ripㅠㅠ but will frequently update atleast once a week! Thank you for all the kudos really appreciate it ♡♡

"You want some hot chocolate? It is pretty chilly outside" Mark asked. I tugged my face deeper in my blanket. 

"no." I answered. 

I decided to stay with Mark and Jinyoung for the night. I am too depressed to even go home, my eyes were so red and I don't want my family to asked me the reason to it. Jinyoung and Mark let me stay at Jinyoung's house later that evening; because Jinyoung's house were closer to Yugyeom so they decided to keep me there for now.

"Don't be too sad." Jinyoung said as Mark closed the door to get them a hot chocolate. "what you said was kind of true" he said as he sits on the bed, tapping my wrapped up like a burrito with the blanket body. "hey, YJ. Sit down."

Well I don't want to.

"I know you don't want to but get up, come on!" he tapped harder.

Stop reading my mind. I slip out from the burrito and sit up straight. I looked at him and he sighed, showing me his 'ㅍㅅㅍ' face. "you have been crying? Since 5? Its 8 o'clock at night already!" he crossed his arms. "ugh what have Jaebeom did to our sunshine" he scotted over closer and wrapped his arms around me. I rested my head on his chest and tears started to fall off again. 

The door suddenly swings open with Mark holding three cups of hot chocolate on a tray. He stops as he saw our little cuddling session. He then chuckles; yes, I heard him chuckling and kind of shaking his head. He put the tray down on the coffee table and sat next to me on the other side of the bed. He rubbed my thigh a few times.

"rub off that tears of yours away. The sun seems gloomy today" he said. I sat up straight and wipe my tears away. I sniffle a few times before really looking at them. "he really deserves it you know"

"and the fact that he still has grudge against Mark is still unbelievable" Jinyoung said. 

"I don't know" I finally speaks. 

"I don't want him to be mad at me. and what I said was-"

"Right" Mark interrupted. "he deserves that, plus still having grudge to me is so unnecessary. I learned from my mistakes already." 

"he was always so unnecessarily annoying." Jinyoung said, sighing. Mark gets up and hand me over a hot choco, I shook my head at first but he insists so I took a sip instead. He then gave a cup to Jinyoung. 

"don't sleep on it. We have school tomorrow too. Do you wanna borrow my cloth?" Jinyoung asked, I grunt to the thought of having to meet Jaebeom tomorrow at school. "don't stress yourself over it, we will be sleeping at the guest room, you can sleep here"

"don't go having sex behind my back, I'm lonely enough" I said making a joke and they immediately hit me at my left shoulder. Mark ruffles my hair and both of them exit the room. I cover myself up with the blanket and just stares blankly at the ceiling.

I fucked up.

****

Everything that happened, happened so fast. At school, Jaebeom was nowhere to be found. One day he was laughing at the café with the rest of the group and now he avoiding everyone, and I still blame myself. It is my fault and no one can tell me otherwise. 

During my biology class, I wasn't even paying attention. My mind were elsewhere. I keep on looking at the ceiling, glancing outside, scanning around the room and suddenly, my eyes were stuck on something. 

Jaebeom.

He walked passed my class and my eyes were coincidently met his. He was wearing a snapback with a hoodie over his head as he walk pass the class, he glanced over me. his eyes were terrible. It was red and – watery. I was so shocked that I bolted out of class and chased him. 

"Jaebeom?!" I called out but he ignored me. Completely.

"Choi Youngjae!" Mrs Park called for me as I realized that I bolted out of the classroom without even telling her. I was holding the door as I peeked outside and called his name.

"I – I'm sorry." I said as I closed the door. The whole class were laughing at me. I get back at my seat and just stares blankly at the whiteboard. Why did I go and chased after him? I was supposed to apologize but, I go and yell at him instead. 

During recess, there was only the six of us and the mood was so bland. Yugyeom and Bambam went silent as their favorite hyung to teased wasn't there. "so boring without Jaebeom." Bambam said.

"I know right." Yugyeom responded and we all sighed. Where could he be? Where could he be if he wasn't with us? 

"I bet he didn't even come to school." Jackson said and I immediately responded, "he did." All five is now looking at me. "I saw him at the hallway, outside my class just walking by." I said.

"I even chased him"

"what?"

"but, he ignored me."

"he was always like that when he is upset. But only with you." Jinyoung said, sipping his tea (no pun intended).

"yeah, he usually just settles fights by grabbing on our throats but somehow with you, he just went miserable." Jackson said. 

"he never went hard on you, Youngjae. He did sees you as his little brother. His favourite little brother."

I don't know. I really don't know what to do. I really don't. I can't talk to him because I was scared. Scared of him knowing how I am head over heels with him. I can't do that. He doesn't even want to talk to me. he ignored me just now even though I practically screamed his name. what more can I do for him? For us? For all 7 of us. It's been 3 days, he ignored all of us. He was supposed to ignore just me so why is he involving the others? If he was upset at Mark, then settle them down with Mark, why involve others. And,

And if he is jealous, then why don't he say it?

"Are you okay?" Jinyoung asked and I flinched a bit. "are you in your deep thoughts?" I nodded. Jinyoung smiled and took a deep breath.

"even if he did like you in a romantic way, he will never say it. He is a coward, as far as I know him. He sucks at expressing his feelings. All the girls he ever like ran off cuz he is all chic and sexy and not romantic at all, but this mood, this atmosphere, maybe it is our fault. Maybe we pushed it too far. Maybe he wasn't ready to give you off as if he is your dad but we all know that he was concern of you. We are very sorry you had to go through all of this. Last night, me and Mark talked. Maybe it is better if, we tell him the truth. Not about your feelings, but you and Mark being together. Maybe you can explain to him. Lie to him about you and Mark, say you are just joking around, or better, broke up." Jinyoung said.

"how am I supposed to talk to him if he ignores me"

"roof." Jinyoung said, and then smiled. He scoffed. "he probably at the roof, next to the water tank." 

"you want me to..."

"yes, talk. Talk to him." Mark said. "you'll feel better"

I stood up, grab my back and dashed out of the cafeteria. I ran towards the stairs that'll lead me to the roof and before I climb up, I took a deep breath and just hope for the best. I just want this argument to be done for. I don't wanna fight. That is not our goal from the start.

Our goal is to see whether he, will responded, but it took a turn on us.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just happy things in this episode for sure

I grabbed the door knob and took a breath. I wasn't sure if he really up here. I know he have been skipping class. After 10++ years of friendship, I could now say, this is our first time fighting, this big. He usually let me go always, or always the one who said sorry first. it always him who give up on the fight, saying that it is his fault. He never did that to the other guys, I realized that now.

When the time is ready, I gathered all of my courage and open the door. The wind brushed my hair away as a bright light covering my eyes. I took a step into the door leading to the roof and scanned around. I didn't see him at first but when I walk around, he was at the edge of the balcony, watching over the whole school. I stood there froze, looking at how the wind rushes his hair and how his hair flowing at the rhythm of the wind, he looks amazing. His eyes were still red, lesser than the one I saw when he walked passed my classroom. He wasn't wearing any snapback and his hoodie were down.

I walk closer, closer and finally I was next to him, watching the same scenery. I heard he chuckles and he pulled back away from me. He turned around and literally avoiding me. Out of reflect I grabbed his wrist.

"Wait!" I cried. "let me, let me explain." Tears were already rolling from my eyes. What have I done. He stopped. He turned his head around and looked at me.

"d-don't cry." He said. "please don't cry"

I wiped my tears instantly and nodded. "I won't"

"so, please don't go and listen to me."

We sat down the corner of the roof and talk it out. I confessed that me and Mark wasn't in a relationship and I said sorry to him for doing this to him. He was mad thinking we played with his heart but I said that it was unintentionally. He later calms down. He lowered his head and grunt.

"you are making me lose my goddamn mind." He said. I looked at him confuse. "why do you have to play with my heart like that?" he asked.

"what do you mean?"

"I mean, saying you're dating Mark really took me of guard and I wasn't ready to be heartbroken especially by you"

Wait. Wait a minute. What is he saying? Heartbroken? What kind of heartbroken is he talking about? He covered his face with both of his palm and took a deep breath. He looked up the sky for so long and his eyes were glistening. His side profile was so breathtaking.

He took another deep breath and looked at me.

"I like you."

A struck of lighting just went passed my goddamn body as he said those words I have been dying to say to him. Suddenly my vision went blurry and I couldn't hear anything. He was still looking at me with those hopeful eyes of his. What was he saying??? Was he possessed?

"I wouldn't travel 20 minutes just to see you that day at the park if I didn't like you and sending you back to Mark's was the stupidest things I ever did, and the next morning? Worse. I've been protecting you since the first day we meet really made me miserable. The sight of you losing away from my grasp was too much for me to bear –"

"Stop." I said. I was blushing. I know I was beet red. I can see it from his facial expression that he was shocked to see my face. I was so so so red and I was embarrassed. I was covering my face with both of my palm and my ears were red. He sits up straight and looked at me, slowly his ears turned red. He turned away and covered his face in between his knees.

"you are so fucking cute" he said making me literally lose my mind. I really don't know what to do. I was shaking. I can't believe this. This wasn't the outcome I was thinking about. I thought we would just talk about Mark and me not together and now this confession? I already planned to confess first!

"you seems shocked." He said. Yeah duh I was shocked I thought you're homophobic! "hey, say something. I gathered my whole heart to say that"

"Are you gay then?" I asked, trembling. He shook his head.

"I only like you. Does that make me gay when I only want to love you?"

He said 'love'. HE SAID L – O – V – E . this is unreal tell me this is just a dream please. Slowly, tears started to leak out from my face and he saw it. He sits up straights, a little shocked and quickly hold my hand. I flinched. He noticed that I looked scared and mostly confused so he let go of my hand.

"I'm sorry. It must be too much for you to take in." he said resting his head on the wall behind us. "I messed up all the time, but I hope you don't ignore me"

"I, I like you too." I said it. I finally said it. After few years, I said it. Oh god I was shaking. I could see it from his eyes that he was happy. He sits up straight and he smiled. He scooted closer and hold my hand.

"was this hands always so soft?" he commented and I chuckled. He looked at me, the taller him looked at me and he comes closer. "you can tell me if you hated my touch" he said and I shook my head. "I, I really want to kiss you" he said and I almost wanted to jump off from the roof. I lunged forward and kissed his cheeks.

"I'm sorry, I'm still too nervous to even look at you" I wrapped my arms around his broad shoulder and plant my face deep in his chest. This is the shoulder I've been dying to hang on. This is it. This felt right.

***

"I think I should say sorry to the other five huh?" he said as we walked to our classes together.

"yeah, Jinyoung was so upset that you distance yourself"

"I know he would. Well, I was too messed up to even talk to them." He chuckles. "I was miserable" he looked at me and smiled. "well, this is where we will part I guess, you have physics class now right?" I nodded. He smiled and link his fingers with mine. He gave me a quick peck on my cheek before walked away the opposite side. I can't believe this. He really just kissed me on the empty hallway like those in the movie.

Wait.

So am I really dating my lifetime crush then?

Oh crap. WHAT AM I GOING TO TELL JINYOUNG?


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A BIT DRAMAA!!! but i guess sweet part coming up

“HE DID WHAT?”   
“WHAT DID HE DO?”  
“WHAT?”  
“HUH?”  
“THE FUCK?”

These were all the responses from Jinyoung, Mark, Jackson, Bambam then Yugyeom.   
“how come he confessed first? what the fuck is this plot twist?” Mark said. The rest still giving me their wtf face, they were literally shocked that Jaebeom confessed first. like, that never happened in my alternate mind. I never imagine THE Im Jaebeom would be confessing first, let alone saying the he loves me. we all never imagine such things because we thought we know how he really is.   
“how come?” Jinyoung crossed his arm. “how come we never notice?” he asked himself.  
“and how come he never told me?”  
Jinyoung will always been Jaebeom’s soulmate. They were born on the same day, same time and were brought home together as their parents were also bff. The thought of Jaebeom not telling Jinyoung something always had been bothering him. They made a set of rules for their friendship and rule number one is, ‘never tell lies’ or ‘tell everything to you bestfriend’ or something within the line.   
“Jinyoung, let him go for now” Mark reach out his hand and hold Jinyoung’s hand but Jinyoung pulls away. We let out a small gasp. Jinyoung was upset. Upset at Jaebeom’s decision to not tell him his feelings. We all know how petty Jinyoung could get but I guess, to him this is important. Jinyoung rest his arms of the table and cover his face in between his arm and just sighed. “its on the contract for fuck sake” he mumbles. Jackson looked at me and like do the ‘whats wrong with him’ face. I chuckles and let out my phone, I texted him,

Jaebeom didn’t tell him, he liked me

Jackson startled as he heard a ‘ting’. He pulls out his phone out of his pocket and scroll up. He looked at me, puzzled. “Why?” he asked loudly not reading the situation. Reply me instead dumbass! We don’t want Jinyoung to know we are talking about this! Out of reflects I covered his mouth with the help of Yugyeom and Bambam.   
“reply me instead!” I whispered. He hurriedly tapped the keyboard.

Okok im sorry. So why? Why does he need to get mad at Jaebeom? I don’t get itttt!

Jackson pouted. I rolled my eyes and reply

They make list of rules, remember? The friendship rules. No.1 is literally ‘don’t keep a secret from each other’ so he is now offended. He is mad.

Suddenly Jinyoung jumps out of the sofa and grabbed his bag. We were startled making us almost drop our phone. He grabbed his bag and left the cafeteria. All six of us just look at his back fading away from us.   
“you guys know what, he has been saying ‘Jaebeom is keeping a secret from me’ for the past few months now. Now that he knows what secret it is and it’s a big one too, so I understand why he is so so pissed. He just felt betrayed, he is his soulmate ofcourse, I was nowhere near their friendship” Mark sighed. He put on a fake smile for us before leaving to find Jinyoung

“do you guys wanna know, what is the most complicated love triangle in the planet?” Yugyeom asked and we just shrugged. “this. This Mark x Jinyoung x Jaebeom. This was the worst kind of love triangle.”  
“why?” I asked. Yugyeom shrugged and looked at me. “Jinyoung and Mark dated, and Jaebeom doesn’t know. You and him dated, Jinyoung doesn’t know. They definitely gonna fight for this. Remember when they fight back in 2000 something I don’t remember? The one where Jaebeom suddenly grabbed Jinyoung’s collar? That one was their biggest fight over an ice cream Jinyoung forget to share. This one? Unimaginable.”

“so, we are going to see some random collar grabbing, again?”  
“yeap.” 

***

That night, even after school, I haven’t see Jaebeom, nor Jinyoung. Or even Mark. We went home just the 4 of us, and I went home alone because usually with Mark. I scroll through my messengers to see if Jaebeom texted me, none.  
As I arrive home, I went straight to my room and plopped myself on the bed. Sighing thinking about today. The confession and also the possible fight.   
Ting.  
A message. I quickly access my phone and look at the id. Its Mark.

Hey, they fought. Like so bad.

What he meant when he said, they, obviously it is going to be Jinyoung and Jaebeom. 

Are you free to talk?

Mark asked and of course I am always free so I said yes. A sudden buzz vibrates from my phone through my hands. I immediately pick up.

“yes!” I said, a lil shocked. I heard Mark sighed on the phone.  
“have you talk to Jaebeom?” Mark asked.   
“no.”   
“Jinyoung called me, crying. Its huge this time. Because Jaebeom kinda call out on us. On me and Jinyoung.”  
“why?”  
“since, Jinyoung also didn’t tell him about us”  
“oh, yeah you guys didn’t huh. How do they talk? I mean, in person or – ”  
“You know Jinyoung, he grabbed Jaebeom out of his room the moment we get back from school. Knocking the heck out of Jaebeom’s door since Jaebeom skipped school today.”  
“was it bad?”  
“yea, they grabbed each other by the throat until Jackson pulls them apart. Then he started to point out to me screaming, saying stuff like ‘but you didn’t tell me about you and him’. Jinyoung were taken back a little since that’s the truth.”  
“I bet this is their worse fight after the mat incident.”  
“yeah, it was bad. If Jaebeom called you or anything, tell me. I am a bit worried at him. Jinyoung just falls asleep.”  
“he’s with you?”  
I heard Mark smirk. “yea, I calmed him down a bit. The best I could do” he said. “so, I guess goodnight then? See you tomorrow at school.”   
He hung up. I put my phone away and slammed my body on my bed. I know Jaebeom won’t call me tonight, I know he wont.  
Tik. Tik.  
What was that? I jumped up and looked around. What with this sound. It sounds like little pebbles. I look at my window and saw little pebbles being thrown onto is. I walk closer and look outside.  
It’s Jaebeom!

I pull up the window’s cover and screamed him name. he told me to shut up and smiled at me.  
“hey! What are you doing here?” I asked, whispering.   
“can I come up?” he asked and I nodded.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i got stuck at ideas because i literally wrote this without any plot line or whatever. very YOLO on this one lmfaooo

I wasn’t sure what had happened but Jaebeom climbed up the tree in front of my room and got in my room via the windows. I pulled him in.  
“why don’t you use the door?” I asked.  
“nah, its more romantic this way” Jaebeom smirked and sneak kissed me on my cheeks.  
“hey!” I touch my cheeks and push his chest away. “I wasn’t ready for that!”  
“I can sneak attack you whenever I want” he smirked.

“are you okay?” his little smirk turns into a frown. “about Jinyoung”  
“I wasn’t here to talk about him” he sighed. He took a sit on my bed and flopped himself on it. “hey, I was just wandering.”  
“yeah?” I asked as I sat down next to him.   
“do you, know? About Jinyoung and Mark?” he asked. I startled. Yes, of course I know. But, should I tell him? He might be mad at me but whats the use of lying?  
“I know.” I said.   
“so, what the point of him being mad at me when I don’t know about his own relationship?” he said, still starring at the ceiling.   
“I was the only one who knew about it. Since I am interested in men too” I said and he chuckles.   
“any crushes?” he asked, looking and turning his body towards me. I blushed. I haven’t tell him that I actually like him since like forever. I did told him that I like him too but not the ‘always like you’ part.   
“why do you want to know?” I teased. He turned around and suddenly grab a pillow and put them behind his head, getting comfortable. “are, are you planning to stay the night?   
“may i? not in the mood to go back home.” He said while comforting himself on my bed. The sight of his torso on my bed were really is amusing, things that I never imagine happened. “well, since we are together, together. I kinda want to know” he said and I chuckles.  
“for your information I am still nervous about this whole us being together thingie.” Jaebeom suddenly sprung up from my bed and sit up straight,”why?!” he exclaimed.   
“oh, Jaebeom you are so shallow. I’ve been in love with you since, 3 years ago. And the fact that you snatched away my confession moment was really something”  
“you like me from 3 years ago? That long?”  
I nodded. “when did you noticed you like me?”  
“five years ago”  
My eyes widen. 5 years ago like when im 10? 11? Wtf? So, he likes me first?   
“didn’t noticed it at first but, I come to realize how different I am when I’m with you and when I’m with the others. Its different, and my feelings aint just a big brother to you, its something else. I realized I’m too small to be in love but, at the age of 13 I realized it.” He said ad I honestly couldn’t even react to it. Is this for real?   
This is too complicated to me.  
I am still trying to process this new information on my brain before suddenly I felt two hands cupping my cheeks. I startled and Jaebeom back off slightly.  
“I’m sorry, I was just waiting for so long-”  
“Jaebeom” I said. I looked at his eyes, his bright shining brown eyes. “I love you. Like a lot” I confessed. He smiled and slowly cupped my cheeks.   
“you can close your eyes if you want.” He said.  
Oh shit! This is it. This is the moment. I don’t know if I should close my eyes but shit he is coming closer. He caressed my cheeks before slowly tilt his head. His eyes were open and mine were automatically close as he come closer.   
He kissed me.  
I can feel his thin lips on mine. It wasn’t wet or anything, it was soft and sweet. So gentle. My first kiss was so gentle. He let go and I automatically open my eyes and there he was 1 inch closer to me. I know I was blushing hard. I know how red my face and ears are. He scanned my face and laughed.  
“you are so red” he commented. “so cute”   
He goes for a second round. He traced my lips making me open them up to allow him in. he wasn’t forceful or anything, just very much gentle. No tongue action or whatever. I know he know how nervous I am that’s why he is taking things slow, for now. I wrapped my arms on his broad shoulder and we got carried away with everything – not too much carried away.  
***  
We cuddled for the whole night, talking about what we have done wrong to not notice our feelings. We were smiling, laughing so happily, I hope I never involve Jinyoung and Mark in this.   
“oh, and about Jinyoung, ill apologize tomorrow” he said suddenly. “I should’ve tell him and I understand why he didn’t tell me about Mark.”  
“he was just scared you wouldn’t accept them” I said in between his chest.  
“I am scared too, in case he didn’t like me touching his precious lil brother” he said, kissing the temple of my forehead.   
“he was frustrated about you. I think he knows your feelings”  
“yeah, but I am too dumb to realize. He sees everything in me huh” I nodded. Of course he does. But, he also don’t know if his guts were true and the reason he doesn’t want to ask Jaebeom, is he is afraid of the answer he will give and he doesn’t want to hurt me. I dragged everyone in this mess, every single one of them.   
“maybe, maybe I should’ve confess from the start.” Jaebeom said, snapping me out of my little thoughts.   
“maybe I should” I said making him chuckles. “maybe, I should be the one who tell you first” I said again and he gave me a soft smile. Slowly he reach out to hold my hand and kissed them.   
“you know what? I am glad that we ended up this way. Maybe I just need to confront Jinyoung and everything will be fine.” He said. “I’ll protect us”   
Us. Never have I ever thought of Jaebeom saying ‘us’ and referring to ‘Youngjae and Jaebeom relationship’ us. Never have I ever thought the body of Im Jaebeom will be laying down next to me on my queen size bed, looking deeply into my eyes and only focusing at me. Never have I ever thought we will hold hands and never have I ever thought I could feel his warmth on my palm like this. Everything about this night is so perfect, I would never have wanted time to turn back. Never. Ever.

***

Jaebeom went back home at 3 am in the morning without me even realizing it but, all we know we were cuddling the whole night and his warmth were still there surrounding my little body. I wake up smiling like I never smile before. My window were slightly open, making me think he probably left. I grab my phone which I put on my table next to my bed and swipe to unlock it. 7 messages from Im Jaebeom.  
I went home at 3. Just to tell you. I hope you wake up alright!  
Oh, see you at school!  
I’ll talk to Jinyoung tomorrow, for our sake.  
And um, if you free after school, maybe we can go out?  
Making it ourfirst date I believe?  
If you want, meet me at my locker after school, or vice versa~  
Oh before I forget, love you!

Love you. A simple ‘love you’ with a love emoji made me smile to my ears. How is that even possible? Now I’m grinning like an idiot, staring at the messages. I don’t know what to reply him. I don’t want to sound too excited and of course, not too bland either.

I just woke up and Jaebeom please close the window before exiting keke  
And, yes. Lets have that first date ^^  
I love you too~

I SAID IT. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH TOO! Oh god damnit my hands were trembling in excitement I might die. This is too much for me to handle. My heart was beating so fast I might have a heart attack!  
I look at the clock and its already 6.30. I need to get ready!

At school, during recess we gathered at our usual place and there is only 5 of us. Mark, Jackson, Yugyeom, Bambam and me. Jinyoung and Jaebeom you asked? They settling things out.


End file.
